The DJ, the Black Bird, and the Fly

Even though I wasn’t going to post anything from the past and just start fresh I recently had a weird day last week. One of my friends from Salt Lake City recently died. He was a best friend to a person that was like an older brother for me when I lived in SLC when I was trying to grasp the world on my own. He was a DJ and he had a great smile. He always would forward me his cds that I could listen to at the gym and ended up sharing with most of my friends. Just as he was getting well known I found out he committed suicide. I don’t know why or the exacts but I was shocked. It seems like sometimes those who seem the happiest are hurting the most inside. Even though I knew him I didn’t burst out into tears. I was however affected by his death. That morning I heard Lucas yell from the bathroom “there’s a dead bird in the pool.” I was still in bed and I didn’t have my contacts in so it just looked like a piece of wood. (I have this thing that I can’t put my contacts in until I shower) After I showered and put my contacts in I went to the pool. Not only was it a dead bird it was a large black bird. Like a crow or raven. Well when I was little I heard somewhere the superstition of the black bird being a soul not being able to cross over. I scooped the bird out which looked and seemed stuffed. I then shocked the pool with chemicals. The rest of the day felt and seemed odd. I thought about death. Then that night I was going to take my contacts out and there in one of the eye cases was a dead fly. In all my years of wearing contacts I never found anything in the case. All these things of black and death. It all just sort of felt blah and so weird. I can say I started to get nervous. I went to bed thinking of why I didn’t cry. I never had anyone really close to me die. Or maybe it was being raised that death is just a doorway to the next life. Or that it was something uncontrollable. I’m just thankful for the people still in my life and the ones that make me smile.